That’s Not Hot

Yeah! High-five! We wrote our names on a piece of paper!

The Miami Heat are fun to laugh at.  Every time they lose it’s like a little Christmas for NBA fans of every other team…and Dwyane Wade is having a little trouble coping with it.

(Also, D-Wade’s mom, that’s not how to spell “Dwayne”.)

Full disclosure: I’m a lifelong Bulls fan who would’ve been happy to see the team sign Lebron or Wade in the offseason because Wade is a great player and Lebron’s an awesome talent.  So if you want to say I’m bitter, go for it.  You’re wrong.  Partly because the Bulls are better than the Heat right now anyway.

Yesterday, after their loss at home to the Chicago Bulls – a loss that made the Heat 0-3 vs. the Boston Celtics and 0-3 vs. the Chicago Bulls – Heat coach Erik Spoelstra reported to the media that his team was very emotional and saw some glossy eyes in the locker room.  Poor rich babies!  They lost a regular season game and are slowly realizing that they’re just not really very close to being a championship quality team!

Must be tough, what with their preseason championship celebration.  Lebron made himself look like a titanic jackass, reserving an hour’s worth of television time to his big “announcement”, parroting what sports announcers say and telling the world, “I’ll be taking my talents to South Beach”.  You fucking dork, Lebron.  It was maybe the dumbest thing I’ve ever witnessed in sports.

And that’s not to mention that his team went out and spent their entire salary on three players.  They have almost no other quality NBA players on their entire roster.  Is it any surprise that it’s beginning to show?

Since the loss, their 5th in the last 6 games, Wade said, “the Miami Heat are exactly what everyone wanted, losing games. The world is better now because the Heat is losing.”

Congratulations, Dwyane.  You finally got it!  Only took 8 months but you figured it out, my friend.

If you idiots didn’t want the world to hate you, maybe you shouldn’t have thought that you three were such great, phenomenal talents that you could just join forces and win 7+ NBA titles, as you said you could.

Side note:  If they all wanted to sign in Miami to play basketball, be friends, live the life they wanted, and enjoy the weather, more power to them.

But they thought they were going to be the next great NBA team while being completely ignorant of what greatness means, and disrespecting the game as a whole.

You have to have a team concept.  And a bench.  And some heart.  And a closer – not a super talented guy who just thinks he’s a closer.  And some brains.  And be a little humble.

You don’t just get out of bed in the morning and high-five the two other talented players on your team and think you’re going to take down the 5-time champion Lakers with the best player and most cold-blooded finisher in the world, or the veteran, champion Celtics without some semblance of a team. And that doesn’t mean two washed up centers and a washed up point guard, a few never-were’s, and Mike Miller.

So, yeah Dwyane.  Or can I call you Dwayne?

The world is better, at least in the sense that there are a lot more happy people in it, every time you guys lose.

That’s what you get for acting like insolent morons.

And it’s why people like Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, and Magic Johnson don’t respect what you guys did or how you did it.

You’re not supposed to have a championship parade before you even have a practice.  You don’t celebrate people signing contracts.

I hope the day that the Miami Heat are knocked out of the playoffs ESPN will have the stupid welcoming party that the Miami Heat threesome hosted at the arena, with fireworks and smoke and a runway for them to walk down, on repeat all day long.

Maybe Lebron should have just said, “I’m going to take my extreme talents and the heart of a total pussy and the ability to lose when it really counts to South Beach.”

2 thoughts on “That’s Not Hot

  1. I would just like to say that ray allen has made the nba record for three pointers. Just saying…Go CELTS!

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