God Dammit!

God dammit!

Buffalo Bills wide receiver Stevie Johnson gave me, and all other Steelers fans, a gift yesterday in the form of a dropped touchdown pass in overtime.  Instead of celebrating the winning score, the Bills offense was unable to get the job done and the Steelers drove for the winning field goal.

Johnson’s drop was unquestionably one of the worst plays of the season, and even though it allowed the Steelers to win, I honestly felt bad for the guy.

Apparently not as bad as he feels for himself though.

And now he’s given me another gift in the form of one of the most hilarious Tweets I’ve ever seen.

After the game yesterday, Johnson found himself searching for answers and relayed this on his Twitter account:

I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO…

Throughout the history of sports, athletes have always attributed their talents, their accomplishments, and their victories to god.  They blather on at length about it in postgame interviews.  It’s more cliche than even the tried and true  “we’re just taking it a game at a time”.

But this is the first time, to my knowledge, that an athlete has actually stayed logically (if not intelligently) consistent and put the blame on god for a dropped touchdown pass.

So, Stevie, if you’re not sure what you’re expected to learn from this, I’ll tell you. Continue reading

Assho-Cinco

"OMG, look at my dumb hat. Check out my dumb fake name. LOL. Does everyone see me? :)"

Ok, let’s get this straight.

One of the coolest professions imaginable is professional athlete.  You may not agree, and that’s a perfectly acceptable opinion to hold, but I think, objectively speaking, that job is about as good as it gets.

One of the least cool jobs in the world, maybe the least cool job ever is reality TV show “star”.

That said, let’s look at Chad Johnson – I mean, Chad Ochocinco, wide receiver from the Cincinnati Bengals – who legally changed his last name to his jersey number, sort of.  His number is eighty-five, but in Spanish that would be “ochenta y cinco”, so his name means eightfive which is sort of nothing.

This guy is a bigger attention whore than Snooki from Jersey Shore.

The NFL has fined Johnson (I’m not saying Ochocinco) $25,000 for Tweeting twice during his team’s preseason game this past weekend against the Philadelphia Eagles, which as Chad Johnson knows is against league policy.

It’s also against any standard of good taste.  Chad Johnson loves the attention, I get it.  But it is so fucking dorky to be Tweeting like that.  I mean, dude is an NFL superstar.  He’s one of the most dynamic players in the game, or at least has been at times, and all he really wants to be is an attention whore reality TV “star”.

That is just about as lame as it gets.

Spending Topics

The only way Predators can trend.

Just saw this little piece of greatness.

Twitter has started selling “promoted” space on its list of Trending Topics.

That actually defeats the entire purpose of Trending Topics.

They might as well just figure out a way to sell ad space.

Or start calling it “Trending Topics and Desperate Advertisers”…

…since there’s no other way in hell that the movie “Predators” would trend, unless there was an earthquake during the premiere that only affected that theater, or if the movie went on a Mel Gibson-esque racial tirade.

#Adult Fail

Yesterday, after Farah Fawcett was left out of the In Memoriam portion of the Oscars, Jane Fonda tweeted “And where was Farrah Fawcett? She should have been included #oscars #FAIL”.

Jane Fonda is 72 years old.  She’s great and all, but it seems a little ridiculous that she’s tweeting so intently, much less using the idiotic language of internet and text addicted 13 year olds.

I mean, you’re Jane Fonda.  You don’t have to say “fail”.

And you shouldn’t.