That’s Not Hot

Yeah! High-five! We wrote our names on a piece of paper!

The Miami Heat are fun to laugh at.  Every time they lose it’s like a little Christmas for NBA fans of every other team…and Dwyane Wade is having a little trouble coping with it.

(Also, D-Wade’s mom, that’s not how to spell “Dwayne”.)

Full disclosure: I’m a lifelong Bulls fan who would’ve been happy to see the team sign Lebron or Wade in the offseason because Wade is a great player and Lebron’s an awesome talent.  So if you want to say I’m bitter, go for it.  You’re wrong.  Partly because the Bulls are better than the Heat right now anyway.

Yesterday, after their loss at home to the Chicago Bulls – a loss that made the Heat 0-3 vs. the Boston Celtics and 0-3 vs. the Chicago Bulls – Heat coach Erik Spoelstra reported to the media that his team was very emotional and saw some glossy eyes in the locker room.  Poor rich babies!  They lost a regular season game and are slowly realizing that they’re just not really very close to being a championship quality team!

Must be tough, what with their preseason championship celebration.  Lebron made himself look like a titanic jackass, reserving an hour’s worth of television time to his big “announcement”, parroting what sports announcers say and telling the world, “I’ll be taking my talents to South Beach”.  You fucking dork, Lebron.  It was maybe the dumbest thing I’ve ever witnessed in sports.

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Boo Hoo

Boo Hoo

Glenn Beck cries.  We all know that.  It’s because he loves his country and he fears for it in the hands of ruthless tyrants like Obama and unions and Christians who care about social justice.

I know it’s hard for the non-psychotic to see, but our country is being run by communists and socialists.  More and more every day.  We should all be crying, and we surely would be if only we knew everything that Glenn Beck knows.

Now, most people who have watched his weepiest moments can be relatively certain that it’s a big act.  It looks like one, and honestly, if you’re crying while doing a TV show about subjects you barely understand (and that don’t warrant tears) one would hope that you are in fact acting.

But apparently, Glenn doesn’t limit the soaking of his pudgy, stupid face to times when the camera is rolling.  His staffers say that he does the exact same act in rehearsals, complete with the pauses and tears.

The president of Beck’s production company, Chris Balfe, believes that it’s all legit saying, “Glenn reacts the same way to issues whether he knows people are watching or not, and is proud to show his emotions, unlike the cowardly, two-faced critics who hide behind anonymity.”

Alright, Chris.  So you’re saying it’s not an act…which only leaves one possibility.

Glenn Beck is an emotionally unstable psychopath.

Thank you for clearing that up.