Good Job

As I’ve said before, having to say “bless you” after a sneeze, or expecting other people to say “bless you” after you sneeze, is absolutely ridiculous.

Now, obviously I think about this more than people probably should, but I think I’ve gotten to the bottom of why people are such sticklers for their “bless you”s since clearly the person they’re blessing hasn’t contracted the black plague and their heart didn’t stop, nearly killing them.

If someone doesn’t say “bless you” and you think it’s rude or get upset about it, it’s probably about time that you admit to yourself you might be insane.

It seems like people just find sneezing to be worthy of public recognition, the same pay that you lavish your dog with “good boy!” after he successfully shits.

So if people want a little pat on the back for completing a sneeze, go ahead and give it to them.  You don’t need to say “bless you” though.

I’ve started going with, “Good job on that sneeze.”  I feel like this really gives the person the proper amount of support they need after doing something that even the deathly ill can also do.

But there are other options:

“I really am a big fan of your sneezes.”  That would work.

Or hand them a piece of paper and say, “Could you please sneeze on this next time and then autograph it for me?”

Or maybe, “I heard your sneeze and it has made my day.”

Or, “If I could sneeze like you, I bet I’d be the richest guy in the whole world!”

That way the person will feel recognized for their accomplishment and you aren’t the sort of rude asshole who would do something as awful as not blessing someone for sneezing.  Please use these in your own life.  Or let me know some other good ones.

Don’t Bless Me

Ok, I think it’s about time that we stop recognizing sneezing for anything more than it is.

Sneezing just means your nose is irritated or allergic…that’s pretty much it.

I wish we could stop saying “bless you” and requiring the “thank you” response.

All this really amounts to is someone saying, “Yes, I heard you sneeze” and the person who sneezed replying, “Thank you for recognizing that I sneezed even though it was entirely obvious to everyone in the room”. This doesn’t make sense.

People are uncertain of the roots of this silly practice. Some think it has to do with believing that a sneeze indicated the possibility of the bubonic plague, while others believe it started because ancient societies used to think that one’s heart stopped momentarily during a sneeze.

I think we’re at the point of realizing that sneezing doesn’t mean those things. We’re having a whole lot of senseless conversations.

And then there are people who find it rude to NOT say “bless you”. That is just absurd.

And what the hell are we supposed to do with people who sneeze seven times in a row? Does that require seven “bless you”s?? Considering the person usually can’t say “thank you” between their seven sneezes, we’ll start running a serious “thank you” deficit and really throw the whole system out of balance.

Besides, I really don’t think I have any business blessing anyone…and frankly, you probably don’t either.