Good Job

As I’ve said before, having to say “bless you” after a sneeze, or expecting other people to say “bless you” after you sneeze, is absolutely ridiculous.

Now, obviously I think about this more than people probably should, but I think I’ve gotten to the bottom of why people are such sticklers for their “bless you”s since clearly the person they’re blessing hasn’t contracted the black plague and their heart didn’t stop, nearly killing them.

If someone doesn’t say “bless you” and you think it’s rude or get upset about it, it’s probably about time that you admit to yourself you might be insane.

It seems like people just find sneezing to be worthy of public recognition, the same pay that you lavish your dog with “good boy!” after he successfully shits.

So if people want a little pat on the back for completing a sneeze, go ahead and give it to them.  You don’t need to say “bless you” though.

I’ve started going with, “Good job on that sneeze.”  I feel like this really gives the person the proper amount of support they need after doing something that even the deathly ill can also do.

But there are other options:

“I really am a big fan of your sneezes.”  That would work.

Or hand them a piece of paper and say, “Could you please sneeze on this next time and then autograph it for me?”

Or maybe, “I heard your sneeze and it has made my day.”

Or, “If I could sneeze like you, I bet I’d be the richest guy in the whole world!”

That way the person will feel recognized for their accomplishment and you aren’t the sort of rude asshole who would do something as awful as not blessing someone for sneezing.  Please use these in your own life.  Or let me know some other good ones.