Zoot Suit Riot

Excuse me, tailor, can you put four pockets on this picnic blanket?

The man in the middle is Deion Sanders, aka “Primetime”, aka “Neon Deion”.

After a stellar career as an NFL defensive back, while amazingly playing Major League Baseball as well, Deion has gone on to a long career as an NFL television analyst.

He’s 43 years old.

And he dresses like a complete jackass, still.

Like, Deion is just sitting there thinking, “I’m going on national television, where is my beige and yellow checkered zoot suit?  Yeah, the one with the four pockets on the right side (only two on the left).  Yeah, I think I’m going to do the yellow shirt underneath.”

Deion is dressed so absurdly that Michael Irvin, the man on the right side, looks like he’s dressed normally even though his suit is ridiculous by normal standards and he looks like he’s going to blast off.  Irvin used to set the standard for how ugly a suit can be for a television appearance.

Honestly, what is going through their heads?  It’s not “flashy”.  It’s not a fashion statement.

Fix it, Deion.  You look like a fucking jackass.

(But you were still the shit as a player.)

P.S.  I don’t know how I caught this picture with the heading, “What did we learn in week 1?”.  That was totally unintentional.  But hopefully Deion learned not to wear anything this ridiculous again.

What the Fuck is Bravo?

They're saying "bravo" sarcastically.

The Bravo Channel is on at the gym every day.

It confuses me greatly, and I don’t mean sexually.

I don’t understand what they are trying to do, aside from making me feel physically ill for the future of our country.

First there’s a show where a bunch of 40-something plastic surgery women yell at each other and gossip about things that no one should care about, not even them.

Then another 40-something plastic surgery chick complains about a wedding that she may or may not have while being pregnant and “running” a company while people kiss her ass.

Then a panel of chefs insults another group of chefs after they race to make food on a plane.

After that, ten gay hairdressers have haircut races on transvestites and then get yelled at by other hairdressers.

Then a bunch of gorgeous girls get insulted by Tyra Banks and a guy with too much gel in his hair.  They cry a lot and then promise that it was a positive experience.

Then some mother takes her daughter shopping for some shit that they couldn’t afford if they weren’t on reality TV.  When they get home, the mother makes sure to tell the cameras that she likes that her and her daughter are “friends”, but she knows that she needs to maintain a mother-daughter sense of respect.  Right.

Then some “artists” make other “artists” have “art” races and then, of course, insult them.

What everything on Bravo looks like.

So, it seems like it’s not really about saying “bravo” at all.  Kind of the opposite.  I’m thinking that the Bravo logo should have quotation marks.  Like: “Bravo”.  That would help us understand that they’re being sarcastic.

Or they could call it they Schadenfreude Network.  Although I think their audience might be too dumb for that.

Maybe the “You Could Be Doing Something Better With Your Time Network”.

But back to their lineup of shows…

After all those insult shows, somehow they broadcast the movie, “Seven”, with Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman.

Then my head explodes because I’m completely confused and I don’t know what the fuck Bravo is.