You Eat McDonald’s. Every Day.


Just fuckin’ eat me.

You eat McDonald’s.  Every single day.

I bet you didn’t realize it, but it’s true, I promise you.  Just today you ate a McRib for breakfast.  And the McRib isn’t even in season!  Mmm…rib season.

Today, within ten minutes of getting up, making some coffee…

(Oh, no!  Caffeine!  You’re Satan, caffeine!  We should all just drink green tea instead and then listen to our Eckhart Tolle tapes. Oh wait, that’s not Eckhart Tolle, that’s the computerized Apple Talk voice telling me to eat a McRib.  They sound the same.  Eckhart Tolle is the reason I ate a McRib!)

…anyway.  Coffee.  Yeah, I made some.  Then I poured it in a funny souvenir coffee cup that my brother brought back from Cabo San Lucas.  It has a joke on it that some overly P.C. shithead would be offended by, but really, it’s not remotely offensive.

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The McRib is Food? I Mean, Back?

Almost sort of just like real food.

The McRib is back, huh, McDonald’s?

You don’t say.  Hallelujah!  We’re saved.

I didn’t think I could make it through another day without eating a ground pork patty shaped to look like actual ribs covered with barbecue sauce and gently placed inside a roll.

There’s nothing like driving to your local fast food restaurant to devour some precooked, frozen, and reheated ground pork.  I’d do it every day at home if it wasn’t so much better to have it prepared and handed to me by a fast food worker.

The fact that McDonald’s shapes the ground pork patty to look like actual ribs is just creepy.

McDonald’s makes the sandwich available only for “a limited time” to trick Americans into believing that the ability to go purchase a McRib is a rare treat.  And of course, they fall for it.  I would bet my life that there were people in the United States who had November 2nd circled on their calendars with “McRib!” written in Sharpie.

You all know you can just go get ribs any time of year if you’re craving ribs, right?

Ah, yes…but fake ribs are only available sometimes.

If you’re thinking of going to get a McRib, here’s a little test to know whether or not you should eat one.

Are you a human?


Then, no.  Don’t eat a McRib.