Jesus is My Warden

My orange jumpsuit was meant to be.

This is Randy “Duke” Cunningham.  He used to be a Congressman.

Now he’s an inmate.

His crime?  Accepting millions of dollars in bribes from defense contractors in exchange for his political support.

That’s a reeeeeeal bad crime.  For it, he was rewarded with 100 months in prison (8 years, 4 months, for the divisionally challenged).

Duke is trying to find some redemption during his sentence and is teaching inmates, trying to help them earn their GED’s.

About his new work, Cunningham was recently quoted as saying, “Maybe that’s why God put me here.  To bring about much needed prison reform”.

Umm…so God wants you to bring about prison reform from prison, you say?  That’s a challenge.  It’s too bad you don’t have a more appropriate platform for your new cause.  Wouldn’t it be great if you could just have some real influence?  Like, as a Congressman or something?  Oh, wait.

Also, Randy, I’m fairly certain that God didn’t put you in prison.  I think it was probably your greed, your corruption, and your total lack of integrity…and oh, yeah – that little felony you committed.  I think that might be why you’re in jail.

And if there was a God out there chucking people into prisons, why wouldn’t he just skip the middle man and reform the prisons all by himself with a snap of his invisible fingers?  He could totally do that.

Or maybe Duke is just a messenger of God.  Yeah, that’s it.  And he’s in prison being persecuted.

Shit, he’s basically Jesus.

Senile

Hey little girl. Come party with Grandpa.

John McCain has completely lost it.

I thought it was bad when he picked Sarah Palin to run for vice president.  That was crazy.

More recently, he tried to claim that he had never thought of himself as a maverick.  That’s clear evidence of McCain losing his grip on reality.

Well, he’s completely off the rocker now.

In a radio interview yesterday, McCain said and then repeated that Jersey Shore’s orange oompa-loompa, Snooki, was “too good looking to go to jail”.

I’m pretty sure there’s no place that Snooki is too good looking to go.  She could pretty much go into any situation anywhere and most of the guys there would be like, “eh…”.

McCain used to be a bad pilot with intense political ambition and a wealth of perceived integrity.  Now he’s just a crazy old nut job / dirty old man.  I mean, let’s be realistic.  He didn’t pick Palin for her ability to see Vladimir Putin from her panic room.

And this is coming from a guy who has had to go so far to the political right that he’s basically in favor of putting every Mexican in the world in jail.

So Snooki had better be careful with the tanning.

With McCain’s blossoming insanity, I’d give it about a year before he believes she’s Mexican too.

Bad Choice

This is quite possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever come across.

Patricia Edwards, a 51 year old Florida woman who is bipolar and suffering from non-terminal leukemia, robbed a Bank of America recently.

Why?

She said it was on her “bucket list” – the list of things to do before she dies.  She thinks everyone should have one.

I say that’s cool.

But if robbing a bank is on your bucket list, it seems like, “spend my dying days in a high security prison” should be on it as well.

Otherwise you’re just making a very bad choice and a very big mistake.