There’s an app for that.
Recently, the Catholic Church has given its stamp of approval to an iPhone app called Confession.
The application takes you through the steps of preparing to confess all your sins to your local Catholic priest.
It gives you a “customized examination of conscience” based on things like your age, sex, marital status, and vocation. But as you might guess, no matter what your answers to those questions are, it always tells you you’re sinning if the question regards sex in any way, or meat on Friday afternoons. The version I tried out seems glitchy actually. It kept leading me to a black screen with a beautifully artistic rendering of Satan and the words, “straight to hell”. I assume I’m not passing Go(d) or collecting two hundred dollars. For the record, Satan is always scarier when he looks really well conceived. Wishy-washy cartoony versions of Satan just don’t do the trick.
It breaks down the different sins and even allows you to add your own if they’re not listed. For instance, Catholic priests will probably find it extremely useful to add “child molestation” to the app, since it will make it possible for them to still pretend they’re going to heaven while allowing them to not actually admit it out loud.