The Sanctity of Marriage

For as long as we both shall live...or 72 days, whichever comes first.

Who would’ve guessed it?  These two idiots are getting divorced.  Some people even care.

After 72 whole days of what was very likely the most intolerable marriage of all time, Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian have filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences – possibly that she realized he didn’t currently have a job because of the NBA lockout or that he’s half white.

Between the wedding ring ($2MM) and the wedding itself, the costs of which are estimated between $10MM and $20MM, the Kardashian/Humphries marriage was a waste of somewhere between $167,000 and $306,000 per day.  That’s more than about 98% of Americans earn in a year.

It’s reported that neither the couple nor their families kicked down a dime for the wedding costs and that Humphries bought the ring on a substantial discount.  It’s also reported that they raked in around $17.9MM for the photo rights and the airing of the 4-hour long E! special documenting their “special day”.

This all being true, it’s hard to look at the marriage (her second) as anything more than a massive publicity stunt…a business deal.  Conservatives should be happy about it.  The free market decided that photos in People Magazine and an excruciating 4-hour long reality show are marriage the way god intended it, between a man and a woman and a bank account.

But with their logic, why would anyone even bother getting married without a profit motive?  Oh wait, that’s how marriage started!  But thank goodness that a few centuries ago god changed the definition to include only men and women – and only for the purposes of love and child bearing.  It definitely can’t be about money or tax incentives.  They wouldn’t give tax breaks to married couples, would they?

And what about marriages for U.S. citizenship?  That happens all the time.  But as long as it’s between a man and woman and not some homo heathens, it’s fine.

Let’s just make sure that no homosexual American citizens are allowed to marry for love and happiness.  That will definitely destroy the sanctity of marriage.  And then for Halloween your trick-or-treating kids will wander over to their house where the gay married couple will be dressed in bondage costumes and before you know it your strapping young son is listening to Barbara Streisand and thinking constantly about blowjobs.

Can we all just stop pretending that there’s any “sanctity” in marriage?  I’m not saying there’s no sanctity in individual marriages, there can be…and should be!  But with publicity stunt marriages, citizenship marriages, an astronomical divorce rate (which is higher in the reddest red states), and plenty of infidelity to go around, how can anyone argue that there is any sanctity at all in the institution of marriage?

I want to see an illegal Mexican immigrant get gay married for his green card.  That would make a Republican’s head explode.

No, You’re Just Insane

People have been in an uproar all week about the latest Newsweek cover featuring Michele Bachmann – everyone from conservatives who are worried that their candidate is being seen in a bad light to women’s group who believe the use of the picture is sexist.

On all sides, people are claiming that Newsweek is biased because, they say, the picture makes Bachmann look insane.  I agree with half of that.  The picture does make her look insane.  Actually, Michele Bachmann makes Michele Bachmann look insane.  The picture just reflects the reality of her total batshit-ness.  It’s not like this is something new (recall her ridiculous Tea Party “response” to the State of the Union).

But I don’t think that means Newsweek is biased, unless being biased about having insane/stupid people trying to run our struggling country is now a bad thing.  It used to be the media’s job to show us reality and teach us about the world.  Now they basically just have to make both sides seem equal and be nice to everyone.  Bias would be not making it clear that Bachmann is completely unqualified and mentally unable to be the leader of the free world.  It would be bias to pretend that she’s on the same level as Barack Obama – but this isn’t a left/right thing: she’s also not on the same level as Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty, John Huntsman, or Ron Paul and I don’t want to see any of them leading the country.

It’s important to note that many of the people on the right who are raving mad about this picture had no problem with the “Obama in Muslim garb” or the claims that Obama “palled around with terrorists” and was anti-American.

If this cover makes people think that Bachmann is nuts, good.  If it damages her chances of actually being president of the United States (not that there really is a chance), even better.

If you think that the founding fathers tried to end slavery, that evolution is an evil liberal myth, and that gay marriage is the greatest threat to our nation in the last three decades, you’re not an actual sane, thinking person.  If you think your husband can turn gay people straight, you’re a fucking moron.  If you publicly decry taxes and government spending while simultaneously begging for government money, you’re either not smart or have no integrity.

So where’s the bias in nudging along the narrative that a crazy/ignorant person is crazy/ignorant and unfit to be president?  That is the real story and the real truth.

And showing that used to be the media’s job, no matter who it helped or hurt.

No (Gay) Dogs Allowed

This is one of the funniest and weirdest things I’ve ever read.

A blind man in Australia was denied entrance to a restaurant with his guide dog.  Why?

Because the restaurant staff heard his female dinner companion say “guide dog” and they thought she said “gay dog”.

Apparently South Park’s “Big Gay Al” has a Big Gay Guide Dog Training School across from his Big Gay Animal Sanctuary.

The man’s name is Ian Jolly.  Even that is almost unbelievable.

And what the hell is up with a restaurant refusing admission to a dog on the basis of sexuality?  Are they afraid that kids will want to pet it and that it’ll turn them gay?

Everyone knows that the only dog that can turn you gay is a French Poodle.

Grow Up

from the Washington Post

The Washington Post has been losing subscribers since they published this photo on the front page of their newspaper in conjunction with the report on the District of Columbia beginning to accept same sex marriage applications.

People are just such pathetic little pussies.  Those two guys love each other.  Let them be happy.

Grow up.  If you can’t handle looking at this picture without being a complete raving reactionary, you’re gonna hate things ten years from now.  History ain’t on your side.

They’re not gonna turn your kids gay.  They’re not gonna have anal sex with you against your will.  They might help your wife go shopping or decorate your apartment, I’ll give you that.  And yes, it becomes a problem when you have to hear about Lady Gaga all day.

Otherwise, just deal with it.  It’s going to be ok.

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