So Many Things…

Sometimes when you win, you're still a loser.

There are so many things wrong with this picture.  Let’s see if we can find them all.

First of all, Mitt Romney won the pointless Iowa Caucus by 8 votes out of 122,255 total votes.  He spent 17 jillion dollars there trying to make Newt Gingrich look bad.  That worked.  But then a guy who spent nothing almost beat him.  Considering what advantages Romney had over Rick Santorum, Santorum kind of did beat him.  Mitt’s been the frontrunner for years now, so winning by 8 votes means that everyone pretty much still hates him.

And he (almost) got beat by someone whose name has come to be defined as something I don’t even want to write…so just Google it.  It’s more fun than me ruining the surprise for you, and it’ll keep it in the top search spot.

Then we’ve got Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, and Herman Cain all finishing with less total votes combined than Ron Paul alone which is strange since god told them all to run for president.  Then again, if god can’t make up his mind and he totally lacks the follow through to help any of them win, what does his endorsement really mean anyway?  Besides, he told George W. Bush to invade Iraq, so maybe politics isn’t god’s thing.  It’s almost like it would be a good idea to keep those things separate…

Somewhat unsurprisingly, 58 Iowans actually didn’t realize that Herman Cain left his sexual harassment 9-9-9 campaign of bullshit in the past a few weeks ago.

Jon Huntsman, the only candidate who openly admits to acknowledging the realities of climate change and evolution got 745 total votes.  Literally, the only candidate with enough intelligence and integrity to essentially say that 2+2=4 gets treated like a total non-factor.  There’s so much wrong with that.

But none of that is as wrong and funny as this…

135 people showed up to caucus for “no preference”.

Caucus attendees left their houses for a non-binding vote where they had to mill around for a while and then write a name down on a piece of blank paper…and 135 Iowans spent a few hours of their day doing this to write “no preference” on a card.

That is unequivocally insane.

So congratulations, Iowa.  Your caucus system is still a total sham.

Serious Media

President Obama went on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart last night – the first time a sitting president has ever appeared on the show.

So naturally, the rest of the “media” is completely up in arms today.

From talk radio to the cable channels, the talking heads are all bitter and jealous that the president took his time to visit with a “comedian” rather than spend the time with “serious journalists”.

This is preposterous

Does Jon Stewart make dick jokes?  Yes.

But night in and night out, Jon Stewart can be found speaking the truth in a funny, poignant, and generally informative way.

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Welcome, Republicans; Addendum

Following up on the discussion of Mitch McConnell’s statement to The National Journal that, “The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president”…

Apart from the absolute and unequivocal cynicism it takes for the Senate Minority leader to say something like this, which shows a total lack of the sort of responsibility one should possess when one is granted an office of public service, it basically flies in the face of everything they claim to be true about Obama’s agenda.

If they are correct that Obama’s agenda – of, you know, socialism and gay pride – is in opposition to what the country wants, wouldn’t the best way of proving that point be to let them do it and not try to hold up the agenda with every trick in the book?

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Welcome, Republicans


Common knowledge these days is that the Republicans are poised to make significant gains in the House and Senate next Tuesday in the midterm elections, largely due to a sweeping feeling of unrest and dissatisfaction with the entire political landscape – financial uncertainty, unemployment, and the media meme that the current administration and the Democratic led Congress are ineffectual, despite the fact that they have accomplished quite a bit in the past two years.

Assuming that it’s true that the Republicans win big next week, the next step (one would think) is for them to take on the job of governing the country, which Constitutionally, would require them working with President Obama.

Just one problem – the word  “bipartisan” only matters to them when the only power that the voters allowed them to cling to after the 2008 elections was the filibuster, which they used a record number of times in the past few years to shut down anything that signified real progress or reform.  When the Obama administration or the Democratic Congress are about to make any serious headway in achieving pieces of the agenda that won them so many elections in ’08, the Republicans use filibuster threats to dilute any legislation to the point where even passing an historic health care bill looks like defeat for the President.

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Burn Her!

“If she weighs the same as a duck, then she’s made of wood!”

“And therefore…?”

“A witch!”

Christine O’Donnell is a Tea Party wacko who won the Republican Primary for Deleware’s upcoming Senate election in November.

She’s unquestionably outside of the mainstream on almost every issue, but guess what?  She says “freedom” and “liberty” a lot, and converted into an Evangelical Christian.  She’s 98% Palin and she’s young and pretty (enough).

On the season premiere of HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher”, Maher showed a clip of O’Donnell, who used to be a frequent guest on “Politically Incorrect”, as she detailed a date she had gone on with a “witch”.  She said she “dabbled in witchcraft”, but it kind of sounds more like she went on a date with a crazed Satan worshipper.

We could get into some details regarding “witchcraft” and how what she described clearly isn’t that, but let’s just address something else…like why people care.

I personally think it’s hilarious that Maher did this, because anything that keeps this woman out of office is a good thing, even if it’s something that shouldn’t disqualify her, like this.  And it’s definitely funny watching a woman go from being Catholic to “dabbling in witchcraft” to becoming an Evangelical, all with a straight face.  If you can change your “deeply held beliefs” that easily, then you don’t really have deeply held beliefs.

But the bottom line is that people shouldn’t care at all.

People are worried about her beliefs because she looked into witchcraft?  “Witches” believe that the moon affects the tides and crops and moods.

Christians believe in talking snakes and that some guy put two of every species on a boat to avoid a flood.

One of those sounds way crazier than the other…and the crazy one is…drum roll please…Christianity!!!

The silliest thing about this whole story is that O’Donnell has plenty of other beliefs that should be more than enough to disqualify her from being taken seriously.  She’s running for the United States Senate for fuck’s sake, not Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska.  If elected, she’ll be involved in debates over some of the most important issues affecting the country.  She shouldn’t be involved in a discussion about the most important issues affecting a neighborhood watch program.

Because her crazy train doesn’t only stop at the religious station.  Those beliefs play out in her policy stances across the board.

She has crazy beliefs of every variety:

O’Donnell is against stem cell research and worries about cloning.  She actually said once, “American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains. So they’re already into this experiment.”  What would it take for a normal person to believe this is true?  Mice with “fully functioning human brains”?  I doubt that I could get a ten-year-old comic book fan to believe this.

She believes that the United States is a socialist economy.

In 2006 she claimed that she heard “the audible voice of God”.  Either she doesn’t know what the word “audible” means, or maybe she’s confused about a different word in that sentence, because otherwise she’s just fucking nuts.  We’re going to have a Senator that hears voices?  I’ll pass.

O’Donnell believes that evolution is just a “theory” and that creationism should be taught in schools.

She believes that masturbation is adultery, because it requires lust in your heart, and because she’s crazy.

It doesn’t take claims of witch craft to think this woman is nuts and unfit for office.

But it does take some people who are (literally) “holier than thou” to think that their crazy religious beliefs are somehow better than hers.