Throw(them)Back(on)

1000 times better.

Every decade or so, a few teams in the NFL decide to “update” their jerseys.  They want to make a marketing splash, or maybe change the team’s image.

And almost every time, they end up looking ridiculous.

It’s like how Ford keeps trying to make a cool new Mustang that captures the essence of its old Mustangs, but just modernized for today’s consumer, without realizing that the only people who are going to buy them are strippers and midlife crisis guys.

This was especially big throughout the 90’s.  I can imagine the conversations in all the team headquarters.  They just felt like they had their fingers on the pulse of a trend…like how everyone in the 80’s thought electronic drums and the key-tar were definitely the future of music.

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Assho-Cinco

"OMG, look at my dumb hat. Check out my dumb fake name. LOL. Does everyone see me? :)"

Ok, let’s get this straight.

One of the coolest professions imaginable is professional athlete.  You may not agree, and that’s a perfectly acceptable opinion to hold, but I think, objectively speaking, that job is about as good as it gets.

One of the least cool jobs in the world, maybe the least cool job ever is reality TV show “star”.

That said, let’s look at Chad Johnson – I mean, Chad Ochocinco, wide receiver from the Cincinnati Bengals – who legally changed his last name to his jersey number, sort of.  His number is eighty-five, but in Spanish that would be “ochenta y cinco”, so his name means eightfive which is sort of nothing.

This guy is a bigger attention whore than Snooki from Jersey Shore.

The NFL has fined Johnson (I’m not saying Ochocinco) $25,000 for Tweeting twice during his team’s preseason game this past weekend against the Philadelphia Eagles, which as Chad Johnson knows is against league policy.

It’s also against any standard of good taste.  Chad Johnson loves the attention, I get it.  But it is so fucking dorky to be Tweeting like that.  I mean, dude is an NFL superstar.  He’s one of the most dynamic players in the game, or at least has been at times, and all he really wants to be is an attention whore reality TV “star”.

That is just about as lame as it gets.