Unsafe Sex? Fuggetaboutit.

If you need this many condoms, I'm impressed.

Yes, there’s also an app for this.

Yesterday I discussed the Catholic Church’s recent approval of the “Confession” iPhone app.

Well, today I’m going to tell you about an app that is sure to increase the sales of the Confession app and make religious groups like the Catholic Church go bananas.

In celebration of Valentine’s Day, or as the New York City Health Department calls it, “National Condom Awareness Day”, the department has launched an app called “NYC Condom Finder”.

As you might guess, this handy little app allows people to find the nearest location of city-wide condom distributors, happy to pass out NYC branded condoms for free.  It can use the GPS feature on your smartphone to provide you with walking directions to the nearest rubbers.

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Just Get It Already

It’s almost impossible to believe that the craziest thing in this picture isn’t the hat, but it’s true.  What’s crazier?  Well, the person wearing it.

Pope Benedict XVI, in a recent address in Fatima, Portugal listed abortion and same-sex marriage among the most “insidious and dangerous” threats facing the world today.

Oh, yes.  That makes sense.  Homosexuals being able to freely and happily decide what life is best for them, and women preventing the birth of unwanted children is way worse than the systematic rape and torture of children by the priests in the Pope’s Church, the cover-up of that behavior, and the refusal to accept the need for condom use in third world countries, etc… We could obviously go on.

We’re talking about an organization that encourages faith healing (aka “let them die”) and exorcisms.

Gay marriage and abortion are threats to the world?

Maybe they’re just threats to Catholic dogma, and that, of course, is the Pope’s greatest concern.

Amazingly, in the same speech the Pope said, “In suffering, you will discover an interior peace and even spiritual joy”.

Perhaps all those pedophile priests were actually doing the kids a favor.

Condom News

The BBC reports that in anticipation of the 2010 FIFA World Cup, host country South Africa has said it needs 1 BILLION condoms for the influx of visitors and the overwhelming festive, celebratory feeling.

To know just how much sex that is, let’s break it down.

This is what a billion looks like in numeric form.  1,000,000,000.

That is a lot.

If you’re a hardcore Christian, you’re only allowed to have sex with one person ever, so it would take a billion of you.  Just kidding, you don’t get to use condoms.  Good luck with your 40 kids!

It would be 5,000 Wilt Chamberlain sex lives.

For real though…it would be TEN MILLION men having sex 100 times!

That is so much sex.  Who knew the World Cup was a bigger sex-capade than Carnival?  That was only 55 million condoms!

Holy…um, fuck.

Kids Are Studs These Days!

Swiss condom manufacturer, Lamprecht AG, has begun producing small condoms for young teenage boys.

And what are they calling these awesome little rubbers?  Only the greatest name ever.  Hotshots!!!

(Hopefully it’s “Hotshot” and not “Hot Shot”.  That would be, well, different.)

Because of statistical increases in teenage pregnancy and disease, and a decrease in the age of sexual activity, condom use continues to be more and more important for those who just haven’t quite um…grown… into adult condoms.

This is amazing.

The first time I hear about a poorly endowed adult buying one of these, it’ll be the funniest day ever.  That guy will forever be known as “Hotshot”.

Something tells me it could be this guy.  http://vimeo.com/4273363