You Eat McDonald’s. Every Day.


Just fuckin’ eat me.

You eat McDonald’s.  Every single day.

I bet you didn’t realize it, but it’s true, I promise you.  Just today you ate a McRib for breakfast.  And the McRib isn’t even in season!  Mmm…rib season.

Today, within ten minutes of getting up, making some coffee…

(Oh, no!  Caffeine!  You’re Satan, caffeine!  We should all just drink green tea instead and then listen to our Eckhart Tolle tapes. Oh wait, that’s not Eckhart Tolle, that’s the computerized Apple Talk voice telling me to eat a McRib.  They sound the same.  Eckhart Tolle is the reason I ate a McRib!)

…anyway.  Coffee.  Yeah, I made some.  Then I poured it in a funny souvenir coffee cup that my brother brought back from Cabo San Lucas.  It has a joke on it that some overly P.C. shithead would be offended by, but really, it’s not remotely offensive.

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Remember Quests?

Now THIS is a quest...

It doesn’t seem like there are ever any quests anymore.

We can get everything so easily.

If it’s raining, I won’t even go out of the house for food.  We can just make people bring it to us.

Seems like there used to be a lot of quests though.

Part of this opinion is, admittedly, due to the fact that I believe everything I see in movies.

But can you even think of the last time you heard one of your friends tell you that they were leaving for a long time and when you asked them why, they told you they had to find a sword in a lake somewhere and then slay something and save some sort of princess because of true love and destiny?

That shit just doesn’t happen anymore.

Except sort of with the crazy sword guy that wanted to hunt down Bin Laden.