It’s been a while. Your Facebook page has evolved. So has how you use it. And by “evolve” I mean, gotten way, way worse.
It’s to the point where the original What Not to Do On Facebook (Especially in LA) doesn’t come close to accounting for all of the inane shit you are (or maybe only I am?) forced to wade through on a daily basis. So without further delay…
Last time I wrote about an epidemic level of narcissism. I doubt much about that has changed. It’s certainly as real and as omnipresent as ever. But here’s the good news – and all of you who are obsessed with your self-help books and your replacement churches will love this – it’s totally not (all) your fault! I know how much you need to hear that everything you do is wonderful…and it, like, soooooo is. Don’t change a thing. If other people don’t like every damn thing you do…well, you know…they’re just not positive enough.
The truth is this. When you get attention on social media – Facebook ‘likes’, retweets, Instagram ‘likes’, cock pics on Snapchat (that’s all Snapchat is for, right?), your brain releases all the happy chemicals that it used to release when you were actually doing happy things, like laughing, or cheering, or hugging, or receiving cock pics in a text message like it was 2011.
(For the record, cock pics are never a good idea.)
And while it is completely your fault for being an attention whore who can’t survive without other people’s admiration or glowering jealousy, it’s not your fault that the chemical reaction in your brain has you addicted to repeatedly validating yourself in the face of all those ridiculously unnecessary insecurities. So, with that said, please remember that it’s okay if you do these things. You just suck in the eyes of everyone around you. Even those who clicked ‘like’ on that picture of your cat.
Their last twenty ‘likes’ were on the pictures of your tits.