Mindless

 

If you support both of us, you have no brain.

If you voted for Barack Obama in 2008 and you’re supporting Ron Paul in 2012, one of three things must be true:

– You jumped on the Obama bandwagon in 2008 without knowing much about the candidate you supported.

– You jumped on the Ron Paul 2012 bandwagon without knowing much about the candidate you’re supporting.

Or, the most likely answer…

– You jumped on the Obama bandwagon in 2008 and you’re jumping on the Paul bandwagon in 2012 and you don’t know a goddamn thing about the political system or either candidate you’re supporting.

I don’t intend to champion Obama nor to bash Ron Paul’s supporters here.  I only intend to point out how utterly fucking absurd it is to be a supporter of both of them. The only way for this to happen while maintaining any degree of intellectual consistency is to have completely changed your basic core beliefs in a matter of a few short years…and that’s, well, fucking absurd.

You can’t go from voting for a center-left, pro-choice, black guy to an extreme-right libertarian (except of course when it comes to women’s reproductive rights or the expression of one’s sexual orientation) who is a 9/11 truther, conspiracy theorist, religious zealot, and racial bigot. That does not make any sense whatsoever.

I’ve said many times, here and in other places, that I appreciate Ron Paul’s integrity and look at him as one of the most honest men I’ve seen run a political campaign.  He doesn’t pander and he has no qualms with bucking his own party.  Those are great things.

The rest of it though? Not so much.

Most of his policies, if you can call them that, fall somewhere in the range of impractical to impossible to enact. You can’t go from supporting Obama to supporting a guy who thinks it’s possible to disband the Fed and return to the gold standard, no matter how nice he makes it sound. You can’t go from supporting Obama to supporting a guy who thinks disbanding FEMA is a good idea and that people without health insurance should be left to die.  You can’t go from supporting Obama to supporting a guy who wants to overturn Roe v. Wade and criminalize abortion.

These aren’t rationally coherent positions to take.

Which brings me back to the original point…you either didn’t know anything about Obama, don’t know anything about Paul, or don’t know anything about either or how anything works.  Most people will fall into the third category, and it’s the most logical and obvious reason why someone would support both candidates for president, since you can’t really support both of them if you’re truly knowledgeable about both of them.

While Obama and Paul couldn’t be further apart on almost every actual policy issue they do have some similarities in what we could call the “ethic” of their campaigns.

Both have a strong appeal to young voters and both have a strong social media presence.  Both embody “hope”, just in different ways.  Obama actually preaches hope of rising to a better sort of politics – post-racial, post-partisan,etc…  Paul embodies the hope of the individual to dictate their own course in life and the idea that many young people have that if they do their best, things will work out.  They’re both able to make very powerful connections to young voters because of this.

This is where it becomes important to note that both of these appeals are generally mindless.  While it’s certainly nice and admirable to support and follow both of these ethics, it shouldn’t be enough to be choosing the leader of the free world on either.

While I fully support Obama’s reelection, I don’t support people who voted for him based on their feelings that he just agreed with everything they believed, apart from any knowledge about his positions.  If you voted for Obama thinking that he was going to immediately withdraw from Afghanistan when he campaigned on a military surge there, or because you thought he was going to legalize marijuana, or any number of other policy positions that people pinned to him without knowing what he was actually campaigning on, you are your own biggest problem.  (You’re also your own biggest problem if you think marijuana legalization is a critical political issue.  Not that I don’t support it, I do.)

And if you’re voting for Ron Paul because he’s the rage-against-the-machine, tear down the establishment, reform Washington guy you think he is without realizing who he actually is, without knowing what stuff he plans to do, and without recognizing what things he plans to do that he simply cannot do, you’re going to be your own biggest problem again.

If you voted for Obama in 2008 and you’re tearing him down right now to build up the candidacy of someone you don’t know anything about, congratulations, because you’re fucking yourself twice.

You just helped elect Mitt Romney.

So Many Things…

Sometimes when you win, you're still a loser.

There are so many things wrong with this picture.  Let’s see if we can find them all.

First of all, Mitt Romney won the pointless Iowa Caucus by 8 votes out of 122,255 total votes.  He spent 17 jillion dollars there trying to make Newt Gingrich look bad.  That worked.  But then a guy who spent nothing almost beat him.  Considering what advantages Romney had over Rick Santorum, Santorum kind of did beat him.  Mitt’s been the frontrunner for years now, so winning by 8 votes means that everyone pretty much still hates him.

And he (almost) got beat by someone whose name has come to be defined as something I don’t even want to write…so just Google it.  It’s more fun than me ruining the surprise for you, and it’ll keep it in the top search spot.

Then we’ve got Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, and Herman Cain all finishing with less total votes combined than Ron Paul alone which is strange since god told them all to run for president.  Then again, if god can’t make up his mind and he totally lacks the follow through to help any of them win, what does his endorsement really mean anyway?  Besides, he told George W. Bush to invade Iraq, so maybe politics isn’t god’s thing.  It’s almost like it would be a good idea to keep those things separate…

Somewhat unsurprisingly, 58 Iowans actually didn’t realize that Herman Cain left his sexual harassment 9-9-9 campaign of bullshit in the past a few weeks ago.

Jon Huntsman, the only candidate who openly admits to acknowledging the realities of climate change and evolution got 745 total votes.  Literally, the only candidate with enough intelligence and integrity to essentially say that 2+2=4 gets treated like a total non-factor.  There’s so much wrong with that.

But none of that is as wrong and funny as this…

135 people showed up to caucus for “no preference”.

Caucus attendees left their houses for a non-binding vote where they had to mill around for a while and then write a name down on a piece of blank paper…and 135 Iowans spent a few hours of their day doing this to write “no preference” on a card.

That is unequivocally insane.

So congratulations, Iowa.  Your caucus system is still a total sham.

Enraptured

Magic Carpet Ride

There is nothing going on in the world that has made me nearly as giddy as the Rapture that is supposed to be happening tomorrow. It is so hysterically funny that I’ve thought about it all day long and enjoyed every second of it.

Crazy person and church (cult) leader, Harold Camping, has predicted after a long and arduous study of biblical texts that the beginning of the end of the world will happen tomorrow, May 21, 2011.

Camping scoffs at those who think the world isn’t going to end until next year based on Mayan myth, calling their beliefs a “fairy tale”.  But Camping’s date is based on hard evidence from the Bible (not a fairy tale, right?) and has interpreted that evidence with a mathematical system of analysis which he came up with himself.  Hard to argue with such legitimate data.

And this is nothing like 1994 when Camping first said the world would end.  He made a mathematical error that time.  Now he’s got his system all worked out.  So, for sure, mark it down.  Count on it.  Tomorrow, we’re fucked.

The sad part is that a lot of people actually believe the guy.  In an interview with the San Francisco Chronicle, one of his followers, Ted Solomon, 60, said, “I’m looking forward to it.  This world may have had an attraction to me at one time.  But now it’s definitely lost its appeal.”

Only a religious person could say something so incredibly dark and depressing and think that they’re actually a happy, healthy individual.  The world has lost its appeal?  Now you’re counting on a god you’ve never seen to ride down to earth on a white horse or something and take you up to a heaven you can’t even coherently describe?

And what happens if he knows what you’ve really been doing when no one is around, Ted?  You know what you did.  You goddamn sinner.

When people like Solomon stare the stark, blatant reality in the face tomorrow evening that their world is going to be exactly as it was today, what then?  Past “end times” cults have seen mass suicides after their day of reckoning never came to be.  How many people will take their lives after Camping’s bullshit prophecy fails again?

Ted Solomon seems to be one candidate at least, sadly.  Don’t do it, Ted.  Give up your faith in ridiculous fantastical ideas, not your life.

Non-believers like me relish events like this because it’s an easily falsifiable religious claim…and we thought that was an oxymoron!

It’s also fun to watch the “moderate” religious people scramble to explain how guys like Camping are interpreting the Bible improperly or that they don’t understand the difference between literal and metaphorical interpretations.  Implicit in this, of course, is that Camping is just a nut – an outsider.  His religious views are clearly mistaken, extreme, and uninformed.

And then they’ll tell us how a man who was also god was born of a virgin who was impregnated by god who was also her son and then he died and came back to life for a while and that helped everybody and also a guy put two of every species of animal on a boat to save them from a flood.

Because believing that shit is waaaaaaaay less crazy.

But wait, there’s more bright side.

If the world does indeed end tomorrow, we can be happy to know that there will never be another episode of The Jersey Shore, never another Limp Bizkit album, no more Seth Rogen movies, no more LinkedIn messages in your inbox, and never another chance to hear Sarah Palin say something stupid in that absurd accent of hers.

Just think, if Jesus comes back and takes all the Christians up to space that will probably solve so many problems!  It will definitely help with overpopulation, probably end wars, improve our environment, and give people equal rights.

Us non-believers will have so much fun.  It will be like a shopping spree on leftover houses and cars and boats and stuff.  Just think how much you can make on Ebay selling all the blinged out crosses that rappers wear!

Oh, and if you think this is all one big joke, think again.  The most recent Pew Research study found that 41% of Americans believe Jesus will come back in their lifetime or their children’s lifetimes.

So while Camping will have obviously gotten the date wrong by this time tomorrow, 4 out of 10 of your friends think essentially the same thing as that insane cult leader.

If you’re reading this and you’re not worried that the world will end tomorrow, please ask yourself why, especially if you’re religious.

The answer probably has something to do with the fact that it’s a religious person predicting the end of the world and not a team of scientists, because you can be damn sure that if the world’s top scientists were saying it was going down tomorrow, we would all be making preparations instead of a small batch of suicidal lunatics.

Interesting that your religious mind doesn’t apply the same logical methods to things like global warming and evolution, isn’t it?

Welcome, Republicans

"Strategery."

Common knowledge these days is that the Republicans are poised to make significant gains in the House and Senate next Tuesday in the midterm elections, largely due to a sweeping feeling of unrest and dissatisfaction with the entire political landscape – financial uncertainty, unemployment, and the media meme that the current administration and the Democratic led Congress are ineffectual, despite the fact that they have accomplished quite a bit in the past two years.

Assuming that it’s true that the Republicans win big next week, the next step (one would think) is for them to take on the job of governing the country, which Constitutionally, would require them working with President Obama.

Just one problem – the word  “bipartisan” only matters to them when the only power that the voters allowed them to cling to after the 2008 elections was the filibuster, which they used a record number of times in the past few years to shut down anything that signified real progress or reform.  When the Obama administration or the Democratic Congress are about to make any serious headway in achieving pieces of the agenda that won them so many elections in ’08, the Republicans use filibuster threats to dilute any legislation to the point where even passing an historic health care bill looks like defeat for the President.

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No Words

I have no idea how to even talk about this.

These are the Olympic mascots for the London 2012 games.

I have no idea what to say, because I have no idea what the fuck these are.

Every time the Olympics happen, the mascots get weirder and weirder.

The Olympic committee did focus groups on these characters and came to this decision.  One-eyed Teletubbies.

And their names are Wenlock and Mandeville.  I’m not sure which is which.

Apparently, they believe these characters will “inspire” a generation of children.  I’m not sure what they’re trying to inspire them to do.  I am sure that these are just about the craziest things I’ve ever fucking seen.