There he goes a-ridin' and a-ringin'!!
In my heart I wish I could never talk about Sarah Palin again or think about Sarah Palin again and beyond all of that I wish that I would never have to hear her stupid fucking voice ever again. I used to think it was fun to poke fun at her. I used to think that her mistakes needed to be pointed out so that whoever was a supporter would be dissuaded and realize the error of their ways in championing someone so fantastically dangerous that she shouldn’t be charged with leading a girl scout troupe.
Unfortunately, since the news media and the reality show producers won’t let that happen yet, she continues to provide moments so outlandish that they can’t pass by unrecognized.
Friday, she gave us one of those moments when she stopped off on her all-American bullshit tour – I mean, bus tour – in Boston and spouted off this made up version of Paul Revere’s ride for the news cameras.
Palin Makes Up a Story About Paul Revere
If you thought that sounded dumb, it actually seems even worse when you read it: “He who warned the, the British that they weren’t gonna be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and by making sure that as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were gonna be secure and we were gonna be free…and we were gonna be armed.”
That was sprinkled with a ton of “uh”s and “um”s as her pea-sized brain tried to process enough things at once to sound semi-informed which, of course, she is not.
Now, it’s one thing to point out the factual incorrectness of almost everything she relayed about the story. The only part she really had correct was that Paul Revere was on horseback. The rest is pure idiotic fiction. He didn’t ring bells. He didn’t “warn the British” about anything. And he sure as shit didn’t ride his horse around Boston to make a statement on gun rights. We should note that over the weekend Palin’s supporters decided to attempt to edit Wikipedia to reflect Palin’s account as a possible version of the Paul Revere story since, well, who’s really to say what happened? Not those “books” that “intellectuals” and “elitists” read, right, Moose Lady?
But the true stupidity, which is what outweighs every factual error she’s ever made (and there are plenty) is revealed in the way she handles these things as a person. Any of us could be asked a question about something we don’t know very much about. We could even be asked a question about something we used to know and forgot. I took a year of Italian in college and I remember almost none of it. But if someone asked me about it…
…the last thing I would do is pretend to be fluent!
And that is Palin’s problem. She was asked about what she had seen during that day of her tour and what she took away from it. She launched into a bullshit concoction of the Paul Revere story. No one forced her to do that. No one badgered her for details.
The stupidest thing you can do is try to sound intelligent about subjects you don’t know anything about. This also applies to using words and phrases when you’re unaware of their spelling or meaning. Probably just better to avoid them altogether. It’s like when people use the word “whom” in place of “who” to sound more proper or sophisticated when they’re really just announcing that they’re morons.
Her account was almost 100% incorrect and it was definitely 100% uncalled for. She’s just too dumb to shut up.
Yesterday, in an interview with her employers at Fox News, she defended her fairy tale, claiming that she wasn’t wrong at all. She did her best to rationalize a way that her tale was, in fact, correct even though it’s not correct by any account. Then she went so far as to call the question a “shout-out, gotcha type of question”. Palin’s “Defense” Let’s just quickly note that it wouldn’t have been a “gotcha question” if she believed she had gotten it right.
Again, we have Palin calling out a “gotcha” question. I think it’s safe to assume that the definition of “gotcha question” is when someone who isn’t employed by Fox News asks Sarah Palin a question and she doesn’t know the answer. Unfortunately, this really encapsulates basically every question you could possibly ask her, since the only occasions when she sounds remotely intelligible come when she’s speaking directly from her talking points or dropping her third-grade level tag lines like, “drill baby, drill”.
Gotcha questions: “What newspapers and magazines do you read?” “All of them.” “What are your feelings on the Bush Doctrine?” “What’s that?” “What did you see today?” “Paul Revere had a sweet Lamborghini.”
Again, Palin and her supporters defending what she said as somehow correct misses the point completely. They’re all blaming those nasty liberals with their educations and whatnot. I don’t really give a damn if she has an elementary school level of sophistication about Paul Revere. I give a damn that she thinks she does and then goes on to blame other people for her own idiocy.
There are those observers who think Palin is actually so clever that she does these things on purpose to further cultivate her brand and to get media attention. I hope all of those people jump off of the Bridge to Nowhere. Because that’s not what’s happening. All that’s happening is that a dumb, self-serving, attention whore is answering really easy questions in really stupid ways. If that’s not the case, then you’d have to argue that her answering simple questions correctly would somehow negatively impact her public image. Umm…
She and her supporters can cry about the “lamestream” media all day long but if they’re going to do so, then every time they do, they should preface their complaints with, “We appreciate everything the mainstream media has done to give Mrs. Palin any sense of relevance…” because the fact is, if they weren’t obsessed with the disease that John McCain dispersed on the American public, no one would give a shit about Palin. She wouldn’t have her dumbass TV show and her dumbass kid wouldn’t be on Dancing With the Stars. No one would care about her fake presidential aspirations. No one would be paying huge sums of money for her to speak. Donald Trump wouldn’t be inviting her for pizza parties. No one would think the ignorance and racism of Palin and her followers would be cute.
Palin would be a big, dumb tree falling in a big, empty forest and no one would ever hear her…and unlike real trees in real forests, she wouldn’t, in fact, make any more sounds at all.